shhhh.

I read blogs when I should be working. 

Great new-job event last night. Although I am beyond excited for the actual work I'll be doing, I feel so incredibly lucky to be working with such a smart, thoughtful, funny, and passionate group of people. 

While I'm still really sad to be saying goodbye to AmeriCorps, the I'm excited for the next step, and looking at community engagement at a different level.  

Something David Letterman and I have in common

A love of lists:

5 Things I am Very Excited For:
1. New job!
2. New house (move in is only a few weeks away! Seriously, when I have a moment the new house deserves an update)
3. Anniversary Tonto roadtrip (boyfriend and I have been together for three years. Sheesh.)
4. End of AmeriCorps
5. Civic engagement project at new job, specifically

If I were to make a list of five things I am currently terrified of, it would be the exact same list--the new job stuff makes sense, I suppose--typical fear of failure--but everything else is a little stranger. As I get older, I find myself becoming more and more afraid of change and commitment.

My trepidation I feel about he anniversary and new house are directly related. Boyfriend and I have been together for three years now--an amount of time that just seems unreal and bizarre. Not to say that I'm not grateful for it, and every second means the world to me, but that's a lot of time for someone who's 23. The new house is our first place alone together. We've been living together for the past two years, but in a house full of roommates. This time it's just mano y mano, and that's a little scary. There's also the money stuff--it'll be an increase in rent, and no more splitting utilities five ways. That's scary too.

Could a quarter-life crisis be brewing? I hope not. I feel like I've had six already. If those are just a warm up, we should all duck and cover.

Picture from here.

Crush

New hair idol:

Suze Rotolo

Via

PS - I found a new apartment! It's pretty amazing. More to come.

Summer uniform

Currently loving the "Women of Mad Men" style posts on Tom & Lorenzo, and obsessing over Midge. She's a minor character in Season 1, and I didn't pay that much attention to her when I watched the show initially. I mean, how could you, when there is so much delicious Betty and Joan to drink up?

 Via

However, after reading these posts, I can't help but DESPERATELY need well tailored, high-waisted, black cigarette pants and a little bohemian half shirt. I imagine rocking the half-shirt with a pair of cut-offs and huaraches, serving margaritas on my front porch to friends.

I have tried Googling "cute boho half shirt" with no luck. If someone finds one, let me know. I'm about 98% sure this shirt and cut-offs combo would replace my romper (!) as my go-to summer staple, so really, I'd be doing the world a favor by finding one.

On an unrelated note, the days are becoming unbearable (110 last weekend) but I love the hot summer nights. The air is warm and you start to treasure the breeze. It makes me itchy for all-night conversations with old friends, driving out into the desert until I can see stars, cold drinks and mixtapes. I can't wait for monsoon season to start. Warm thunderstorms are the best part of living in the desert.

Thomas Jefferson, I presume?

Awww yeah.

Found this little lovely while on an impromptu thrift store outing with the boyfriend. I shouldn't have bought anything (I'll be moving before August) but I couldn't resist a founding father in a mustard frame. He's been mine for a little over an hour, and I'm already referring to him affectionately as "T.J."

I also bought a sweet little milk glass vase for 50 cents. I've been wanting one for a while to stuff with these.

Now I just wish that I knew where TJ and I would be hanging our hats.

A small pick me up

From The West Wing (or, how I wish the world actually worked):

Education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes. We need gigantic revolutionary changes. Schools should be palaces. Competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be getting six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge for its citizens, just like national defense. That is my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet. - Sam

It is in the spirit of Andrew Jackson that I, from time to time, ask senior staff to have face-to-face meetings with those people representing organizations who have a difficult time getting our attention. I know the more jaded among you, see this as something rather beneath you. But I assure you that listening to the voices of passionate Americans is beneath no one, and surely not the peoples' servants. - Leo

Hearing those two mini-monologues always makes me feel better.

FTW

I got a job, kids. And it's exactly what I wanted.

Tonto, again

I hate camping. Hiking, exploring, grilling, campfires, s'mores, yes. Actually sleeping outside, being shower-less, no. I tried. I really did--but I really just want to sleep in a real bed, and take a shower when I wake up in the morning. This is my life. Don't judge me.

The hike we took was gorgeous--up through mini-mountains by Sycamore Creek, to an abandoned copper mine and caves that are now (surprisingly) full of water. I took a lot of pictures of the creek, small waterfalls, wading pools, and flooded washes. Seeing natural, flowing water still seems like an anomaly or small miracle.  I nerded out over cool rocks and threw pieces of shale against the trail to see it break across the thin, perfectly parallel layers. I imagined the creatures living in the epeiric sea that created it.

The best part? Boyfriend handed me a leaf, and said, "It's a tree star. Yep yep yep!"

Oi, I melt.

IN WHICH our heroine takes a shaky step forward

I was feeling huffy and ignored because a bunch of my favorite bloggers haven't been updated as frequently as I'd like them to. And by that, I mean every day.

I then realized that maybe I should do a little writing myself before I judge.

I had an absolutely amazing meeting with my program manager yesterday--just talking about what I'm doing after my year of service, what my next steps are, and what I want. Having a chance to talk out my dreams and worries and plans with someone was fantastic for clearing my head and coming to a place where I feel comfortable.

I'm on the right track. I just need to keep going.

Small successes: being nominated, taking a deep breath, and trying something new. Apartment Therapy is having their annual meet up in a few weeks, and I RSVP'ed to attend the one closest to me. I'm pretty excited about it. I'll give me a chance to reach out to people who have similar tastes and hobbies to mine, and to practice what I preach about all that community building stuff.

It's starting to really warm up, and against my better judgment, I'm going camping this weekend. I'll let you know how that works out.

ON pining and planning

It seems that my little excursion last weekend didn't whet my appetite for the open road. I'm wanting the ocean, people.

My boyfriend is handsome (oh, how I miss his long hair). 

Picture from two years ago, when he and I took our first trip to California. He and I had only done a few small trips to Flagstaff before, and he had planned both trips. He's much more of the "it'll work itself out when we get there" type, while I had our hotel reserved a month in advance, with a clear plan of restaurants and things to do. We've had fun on every trip that we've taken together, so I guess it really doesn't matter if I don't have a precise itinerary. I just really like making lists.

Like right now.

In the next two months, I will be unemployed and homeless (so to speak). My term of service with AmeriCorps will be over at the end of June, and my lease is up at the end of July. I do not know where I will be working or where I will live. This terrifies me. And excites me, just a smidge.

I've been applying for jobs here and there, but the unholy trinity of a bad economy, almost no experience, and a degree that translates to almost nothing (good job, Global Studies. Pfft.) are not working in my favor.

A few really amazing opportunities have been presented to me--but they'd be unpaid. I've been interning with a political campaign for the past five months, and I've been given some amazing responsibility and I love what I'm doing--and I'm doing it well.  A friend of mine has also asked that I help with rolling out his organization's election communication plan. Um, yes. Hi. Dream jobs. Both of them.

There's only the tiny problem of needing to pay the bills. I've applied for jobs that would pay me (ha! novel concept) but I wouldn't be doing the type of work I want to, just putting in entry level time at either organizations with missions that I feel good about, or that might someday lead to more responsibility or an "in" to the communications department.

So, do I find a serving / bartending / receptionist job to pay the bills, and take the unpaid experience for what it's worth? Or do I plug away at something that I might make marginally more money at, but doesn't do much in the way of what I want to do?

Plus, I really, really want to go to grad school--but I don't want to A) take a GRE and actually, you know, apply and B) loose my network here in Phoenix. I have an amazing group of friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances, classmates, and professors who I can call on for an extra volunteer, a reference, or an introduction. If I started studying now, it would be at least a year before I could start.

As of now, I'm leaning toward the "unpaid opportunities." I don't have a car payment, credit card debt, a mortgage, a husband, or kids. My student loans are negligible. If there was a time to work for free, this would be it.

So, forces of the universe / internet, if you were me, what would you do?