Monday, January 4, 2010

IN WHICH our heroine discovers the classier side of taxidermy

I am not an outdoorsy kind of girl. I hate dirt, bugs, and the cold the way I should hate Jersey Shore.

Having said that, it seems only fair that I should be punished for my reality TV transgressions by dating the modern equivalent of a mountain man. He likes hunting, fishing, camping, preparing for the apocalypse, and wearing cargo pants and things made out of Gore-Tex.

As you can imagine, trying to please the both of us at the same time during a Sunday morning window shopping expedition can be tricky. Luckily, there is Bass Pro Shop. He likes hiking boots attractively arranged next to stuffed armadillos:

And I like fudge.

However, during our most recent shopping trip, I happened to wander into the the "Home and Cabin" section whilst the boyfriend was purchasing said fudge.

While I dislike things associated with being outdoors, I'm a big fan of things associated with being indoors. I spend hours poring over the house tours on Apartment Therapy, and I've been known to squeal over dinnerware. Apparently, the shopping gods looked down from their credit card clouds and took pity on my unfortunate situation. In their infinite wisdom, they understood that the princess and the lumberjack could live happily ever after, and would need appropriate decor for their well-armed castle:

Why not stare at the sad, judging eyes of the majestic creature you just slaughtered while you enjoy your meal?

It looks like antler, but it's plastic!

Big-Mouth Billy Bass' classy older brother.
Fish statuette (Not available online, from what I can find?)

Perfect for when you need a little extra light to skin an animal by.

And, of course, the proper throne.

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